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Here's a repost of
Andersen's satsang on 'Catalyst' from his cult
apologist site, PleaseConsiderThis.com. The format
is exactly what I left behind twenty years ago. A
little folksy premable to show what a relatable and
regular guy he is, turn on the fog machine:
Catalyst
It's a funny word. Cat-a-lyst.
Say it ten times out loud and it gets real
funny.
Sorry, Dave, but it isn't and it doesn't. I
can just see you sitting in front of a group of
people and trying to force a little humour like
this. How embarrassing! Mind you, we all did it.
It's just that you CONTINUE to do it. Oh
well....
Events, people, objects, thoughts: they are all
catalysts, acting on humans to produce feelings.
Everyone I know has a short list of what I call
'reliable catalysts to feel joy'. These are things
that we produce, place ourselves in the 'line of,'
or make happen. We know they will fairly reliably
result in an internal experience of joy.
Oh my god, better get out the lab coats and
clipboards. This is getting really interesting --
not! Really, how banal. And what's with this
'internal experience of joy'? Is that different
than, say REGULAR joy? Anyway, you have to laugh at
the premie (in other words, Maharaji-clone) way of
trying to sound like you've got a real handle on
something by making these broad -- ultimately
useless, sweeping -- surveys of the human
condition.
Some of my favorites:
The discrete
personal-disclosure-and-braggadoccio
section:
A steaming cup of world-class coffee, properly
brewed.
read: I'm a man of quality. Now what I like
and how to enjoy it. A new age yuppie
indeed!
Playing music with gifted artists who listen and
are generous, in front of a receptive audience.
read: I, too, am a gifted artist. If you play
with me, be cool, eh? If you listen to me, be cool
too. Thanks.
The Lakers, playing at their best.
read: I am not Jack Nicholson but I'm a bit
LIKE Jack Nicholson. I'm cool, for one
thing.
A bunch of men who know and love each other,
joking around for an hour or so.
I'm no sissy. I might fawn over my fat runt
of a guru but I am, in the end, a man's man, so
much so that I can talk about how much love I have
for my posse. These ah' ma' peepow.
Watching my children do something they
passionately love.
read: Quality kids for a quality dad. That
passionate love thing? Yeah, that's right. Who you
think they got it from? Their mother??
The graceful curvature of women.
read: I am, after all, a man. Let's not
forget that, huh?
Certain Impressionist paintings.
read: I'm not an egghead or anything, just a
man of quality. Know what I mean?
A good cigar at the right time.
read: A Clinton supporter
'The Simpsons' TV show.
faultless
Tuning and preparing a fabulous piano.
I surround myself with quality. I'm an
arbitrer of quality. Plus, I can play. Not bad,
eh?
Writing a good song.
If I don't say so myself.
Big Sur.
Boring. .....
Babies who, looking deep into my eyes,
laugh.
Oh my God! I just remembered some of the
weird things premies believe about babies. How
they're where we need to get back to and all that
shit ..... Talk about Third Rock from the
Sun
Parties with really good, bedrock, long-time
friends.
Yes, and I have SOOOOOO many of those
because, what'd I tell you? I'm a Quality
Guy!
Laughing so hard, for so long, my stomach
hurts.
WITH a great sense of humour, buy the way.
Can you imagine this guy writing a personal
ad?
There is one thing, however, which is more
powerful, more reliable, and much simpler than my
'reliable catalysts' one thing that is the greatest
gift I've ever been given.
This is the part where the smile drops, the
schmaltzy music begins and Andersen turns to face a
closer camera. How many of these satsangs did we
endure? How many times did we do this weird dance
ourselves?
It offers me true independence makes it so that I
don't need to depend on lining stuff up on the
outside to feel what I want to feel.
Yeah, Dave, you gotta stop lining up all those
little babies and fabulous pianos, dude. It's
Independence time!
Because the joy exists inside of me. The coffee,
music, baby, or landscape don't beam the joy into
me they catalyze a feeling that's already there,
hidden. Waiting.
Ooooooh, this is getting too scientific for
me!
The gift that Maharaji gave me, techniques to
access what he calls Knowledge, are that greatest
gift. When I practice the techniques in a sincere
and committed way, they allow me to access the
feeling I've longed for and worked hard to catalyze
ever since I was born. Without having to depend on
my 'reliable catalysts' for joy, I can experience
their beauty with so much fun, so much gratitude.
They become more precious to me because I know they
could change at any time, and I know that if they
do change, I can still be naturally and deeply
connected to the source of joy inside.
So let me see, how about a REALLY good cigar?
How about a REALLY nice set of curves? Are you
saying that all you gotta do is hook up to that joy
INSIDE -- not the other one -- and these things are
gonna be even better? Alright!
For 28 years Maharaji has been relentless in
reminding me that I have the potential to be my own
man, to see my own beauty, to act and choose from
the most honest, best-feeling place. He is, for me,
the greatest catalyst; he has effected greater
change and growth in me than any other person. He
has treated me with unusual care and respect. He
has demonstrated his love and concern for me in a
practical way many, many times. I have made a
tremendous number of mistakes in dealing with him
and his work; he has never given me any reason to
think he has taken it personally, or that his
respect and concern for me has diminished. I
believe he knows that I love him and am sincere,
and he accepts that. This consistency of love,
respect, and acceptance is unique in my life.
Quit throwing up that cotton candy, Dave.
It's gross..... No, really, what's this got to do
with anything? I came here especially to learn all
about 'catalysts'. What happened? Started out
great. You got right into the word, catalyst. This
was really promising. But then all you did was flop
into all that 'Maharaji blah blah blah ....
gratitude' shit. I want to learn about
catalysts!
His gift, Knowledge, is also unique in my life
because it is a direct pipeline to the feeling, the
experience, that I use my 'reliable catalysts' to
produce. This, to me, is freedom, or the
possibility of it. To enjoy and look forward to the
pleasures of life without having to count on them
for my joy is liberating and a source of immense
comfort, because one thing has been made clear to
me in 52 years of life on this planet: everything
changes, and it behooves me to find the source of
joy inside me.
Well you did use the word 'behoove' so I take
back what I said about you being a bit stupid. No
dummy's ever gonna use a word like that. Sheesh, I
don't know WHAT to think now. Hm ... I guess your
sincere message of love really moved me or
something. Hey, like a cataylst. Like a real-live
catalyst in my own life. I get it!
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