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It occurred to me
that with the recent current events, and MJ's
patently pathetic response to them, there might be
more fence-sitters lurking around here than usual,
and not much in the way of ex-sang for them to dig
their teeth into.
I was a premie for a long time, a long time ago.
I know that when I was a premie, I did my best to
avoid awareness of any other remotely inspiring
teachers or teachings who were out there because it
went against the 'one perfect master' theory. But
things are very different now. There is so much
more information and there is the internet. And if
you are a current or wavering premie, you probably
have heard lots and lots of quite inspiring stuff
spoken by all kinds of different people since the
911 disaster. I know if I were a premie now, I
would have a hard time finding any relevance to my
master at this time, with his generic prayer and no
really helpful offering at a time when someone with
a teacher might want to turn to their teacher for
help.
I realize, from the few premies I still know,
that for most people, MJ occupies more of a
sentimental place than a really awe-inspired place
in your hearts these days. It's hard to completely
let go and move on, so it's easier to relegate him
to a fairly insignificant place in your life - a
bit like church on Sunday, something we used to
laugh at in the passionate, early days of his
arrival in the west.
If you have relegated him to a symbolic, distant
father-figure place in your life, you may not see
much reason to go all the way and remove him
completely. Many of you have added other more
up-to-date influences to your repertoire (viz.
David Andersen's amazing use of Byron Katie's
teachings to lecture exes below) but you still want
to keep MJ there. Why? Is it because it is one
place in your lives where you have memories of
feeling special, or where you hold out the hope of
being unconditionally loved, of going all the way.
Is it the place that reassures you that you are on
some kind of a 'path,' so that you feel that the
'growth' part of your life is handled? Are you
afraid of facing some kind of breakdown or
emptiness if you really turn around and surgically
extract the huge web of beliefs and - let's face it
- subtle fears, that MJ has woven in your
being?
Yes, I know, I know, you are having 'that
experience' that we can't understand, or have
forgotten. Well, I still mediate, in a different
way, on the flow of my breath, and I can only say
that my experience has become much more pleasurable
and my feeling of connection to a kind of universal
energy has increased since I decided to become an
ex-premie, rather than an occasional or lingering
premie. It's a bit like that friend of yours who is
in a relationship that really needs to end, but he
keeps sleeping with the ex-wife because he doesn't
want to face up to his loneliness. The thing is, he
isn't attracting any new relationships, either. In
terms of the experience of leaving a 'master' or
whatever he calls himself these days ('you can't
come home without the master!' he said that!) I
have found that it is better to make a clean break.
Then you can really start a new relationship. With
your self. With your direct connection to your
source through YOUR breath, if that's your choice
(remember, despite the absurd rhetoric, it's YOUR
breath, and he didn't show it to you, and millions
of people worldwide meditate on their breath). And
if meditating on your breath isn't your thing,
fine. You maybe just enjoy the feeling of 'love'
you get at programs. Now this is really like
sleeping with an inappropriate ex, because along
with that 'feeling' you are being subtly and
not-so-subtly programmed by pretty much every word
he says. 'You can't come home without the master'
indeed! Do you realize what spiritual fascism this
is? What blinders MJ is wearing to the vast number
of people who are doing fantastically well - better
than most premies probably - without 'the master?'
And there are dozens of other masters saying the
same thing, with very similar followers buying the
same line. Do you really think that MJ is the only,
or even the most exalted one? Because if he isn't
the only one, he is a fake, because in all his
words for 20-some years he has implied that he is
the only living master right now. If all the others
are complete fakes, this is fine. But if they
aren't, he would be working WITH them, because they
would be meeting at their exalted level and would
know each other, wouldn't they?
It feels so great to be free of the whole thing.
Yes, I know you are deeply trained and programmed
by the recent spin-doctoring to believe that we are
all just stuck in the past with our objections to
MJ, and that things have changed. Have they gotten
better? Is there more joy than ever at those
meetings you go to? Or is it going downhill?
There are so, so many exes who don't post here
because MJ doesn't have any relevance at all in
their lives. I have to say that this goes for me
too, but I enjoy some of this ex-premie internet
activity because I have directly seen it helping
many, many premies who are trying to leave,
especially in the past year. On this forum and
another one called Recent Exes (which is
password-protected, we have seen a great exodus of
people leaving after up ro 30 years in recent
months. People who were just keeping MJ on the
shelf as their cute little guru rather than face
leaving have been brought to the point of seeing
the point of actively leaving. I and others have
had a lot of correspondence with them, and have
watched them becoming freer and freer and happier
and happier as they cast off the incredible burden
of cult programming which, only months earlier,
they swore they didn't have. They are so grateful
for life now. They feel as though they have
retrieved a part of themselves.
If you are a premie, and think it would be safer
to just keep MJ going in the background rather than
confront your own belief system and perhaps leave,
I just want to say that you have no idea how much
of your energy is really caught up in that little
part that has frozen and refuses to feel your gut
doubts. When you go through the process of thinking
about leaving, and get into a good dialogue with
some people that have left (and you can do this in
many ways, not just on this forum, which can be a
bit intense at times) you will recover so much
energy and free attention that many other things in
your life will start working better.
Love Disculta
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