More on that parody garage sale

Re: fun with photoshop Guru Garage Sale -- rjc

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Posted by: rjc ®
07/09/2003, 21:03:33


"Honest Prem's" 
going out of guru business garage sale

Would I lie to you?
photo from
The Echo Newpaper-
classified section
Byron Bay, Australia

Whether you are starting your own guru business
or are just plain nostalgic, you will find hundreds of
discounts on Guru and Lord of the Universe accessories
exclusively at "Honest Prem's".

They made me wear some of these great bargains in front of large gatherings.  They made me let them kiss my feet.  Fortunately they are all total idiots so it is a little easier to get over the humiliation I have been forced to suffer.(but I am still thinking about suing them.)  I guess they got something out of it by building themselves up mentally and emotionally as if they really were kissing the feet of the Lord of the Universe (see what I mean about them being idiots.)  (I still don't know where they got that idea, I sure never did anything to encourage it.)

But just to prove that I didn't want any of this stuff I am selling off all of the Lord of the Universe accessories they made me have.  And I want everyone to be perfectly clear all I am is a "meditation teacher" I don't know what they are talking about when they say I presented myself as anything other than "that", "ever" unless they made me do it. Trust me, would I lie to you?  
(Also, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" and furthermore "the glove does not fit") 

Here are just a few of the exclusive bargains  you won't find anywhere else:

Lord of the Universe Crowns



Mahatma Uniforms


set     caps are extra

Bai Uniforms



Satin Foot Pillows


ea.   silk $399.95 ea.

Darshan Socks


pr.     sorry pairs will not be broken

Dried Malas


ea.    rare & exotic flowers garlands from
         around the world I used to wear

Program Stages                          starting at


         many options available

Darshan Stages                          starting at


         many options available  

Water Cannons                       hurry only 4 left



Silk Pant,Jeweled Coat Uniforms as low as


set     sorry crowns sold seperately see above

Portable Darshan Tunnels


ea.    (must see to believe)

Smart Card Encryption Equipment

Make Offer

        everything you need to  control
          access to your programs

Instructor Manuals


ea.    everything you need to create a
          heirarchy of underlings beneath  you

WPC Armbands


ea.     great for building pride and exclusiveness
          in your security team

Watches Watches and More Watches

individually priced

          great for reminding you to make
          profound sounding statements about the
          irrevelance of time. 

DUO  second hand clothing from jumbling

too much to describe

          every thing you need to start a non 
          profit business and compete
          with the Salvation Army

Satellite Uplink Equipment


          great money maker without having to
          actually visit the hordes of the lowly.

Unsold Videos


          great for recording your favorite 
          TV programs.

Thousands of other unique gifts each priced seperately.
many hand made, given to me by sincere people sorely mistaken that I was the Lord of The Universe, (see what I mean about idiots) which I accepted only because the return postage would have been so expensive.  ((I had my underlings constantly try to explain to them (but they still wouldn't listen.) that Maharaji really appreciated these things but could not use them in carrying out his mission.  What I really needed was their "devotion" which where I come from means "cash"  Which by the way is more easily converted into fast cars, jets, mansions and yachts than their silly little examples of hand crafted expressions of devotion.  (Like the life sized ebony  elephant one fool carved for me from a single tree .  I mean really, what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?  And what the hell was this guy thinking, if he would have gotten a simple job at MacDonalds he would have been able to contribute thousands of dollars in cash to me from his earnings instead of wasting his time on this stupid elephant statue which has taken up valuable space in my garage for several years.  Jeesh, what idiots.  I have thought about pushing it off the cliff into the ocean but then I realized it might bring in some big cash at a garage sale.)
                                             MUST SEE TO BELIEVE!
                                     Many Many More Items Available
                          Sale Ends Soon So Hurry Up The Hill To See Me!
                         Top of Trankas Canyon Road on the left. 
Get Map
             All Sales Final, CASH ONLY in unmarked bills, Dealers Welcome
     Remember....Bring Cash and Come Early!

Click here to print this page

copyright SATGURU SALES INC. all rights reserved

Modified by rjc at Thu, Jul 10, 2003, 06:36:17

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