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Maharaji on Marriage

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Q: Could you please give us Satsang on married life ?

Ans: Well, I think if you have any 'butterflies' (confusions) in your minds or hearts, you better pop them out first.

Q: Guru Maharaj Ji, do you have any advice for people who are getting married and now they should live in the Knowledge ?

Ans: There are two things: premies that have not moved into an Ashram and don't have any intention to move into an Ashram, and want to get married, they live a life; they do some business where they work; and they have a job, work outside. They do Meditation. For them the advice is, just go ahead and get married, do Meditation, and live happily.

But the Premies who are working in Ashram, who are like, living in Ashram; for them the thing is that: look - you have to understand. You have to make the right decision. Because the service, the opportunity of service you are getting now, you will not get it later - and it's like, if you leave it now, then it's like: You are progressing, you are completely progressing, and then you drop down. Because then you are looking for something else which is completely external. And then one day it's going to be died out, and then like again you would like to come back and be in the Ashram and do Service! You understand? Because it's like - it just is much better, you know, for a man to be completely in the whole circumstance, where he can get Satsang all the time and be able to do Service all the time.

And this is the only thing, that: if you want to get married, then take the proper decision. Make sure that you are going to stick to it. Because what I hate is, people get married, go out; ten days; then get divorced, and want to come back and live in the Ashram. I hate that. Because that's good for nothing, and that is a silly thing. You know ? So it means they're just like, acting like a two year old baby ! And it's like, it just proves it that they are not even doing Meditation. Because up here (Head) they have got 'Bees' instead of 'Butterflies'. Like a Bumblebee shooting to one point - one point to another point. And then they just want to get married, and so that's it and then they want to come back, and -

"But what made you come back ?" "Because we didn't get satisfied". Which means, 'Why did you get married ? If you get married, stay married.' So take the proper decision before you move into some kind of thing like that. You are making a mess of yourself.

Q: Is it possible for premies to be - if the two premies involved are holy company for one another - truly holy company, is it a …?

Ans: Then they don't have to be necessarily married. If they are looking for holy company, then holy company can be just living in the Ashram - not necessarily being married.

Q: Maharaj Ji, many premies in the Ashram have been experiencing, within the past few months especially, that they've been getting involved in relationships with, you know, within the Ashram and there's been a lot of discussion about it. And I heard you were going to give a statement to the Ashram premies about this.

Ans: It's like, Okay, the excuses that we get - I don't know if it's an excuse - is, "Well, we love this sister.", or the sister says, "We love this brother." Okay. And let's keep it that way - brother and sister.

I mean, why does it have to become in any way physical ? Why can't it just stay that way ? Don't brothers and sisters love each other ? They do love each other. They love. They really, really love each other. And, so, it should be maintained that way. Why should it go down to the physical parts of it ? That relationship is like really when a brother walks into an Ashram and he sees a girl there, that's his sister. And that's what it says in the manual. Right ? That here it is brothers and sisters. And you like, start just looking at her as, "that's my fiancee", and stuff, that means he is right there, he is breakin' a law.

When you get out of the Ashram, you know, you can do whatever you want to do…....But in Ashram, you're in Ashram, and in Ashram, what the manual law states, it's got to be there. It's really maintained that way.

And this is the Statement, you know. Like, my feeling is sure, you know, Ashram should be full of love ! But of brother and sisterly love. You can give love to anybody. Doesn't have to be a wife. I mean, otherwise that would mean that, you know, a person just loves another particular person and he doesn't love the other brothers and sisters. That's not true. You know ? And so, that should be maintained that way, not as, "Well, because I love you I'm going to marry you." And it should be completely, strictly maintained as brother and sister.

Q: How about a little extra time with a brother and sister, as a brother and sister ? I mean, that's the next question that'll come up. People spending a little more time with one person, you know, than with all the others in the Ashram.........

Ans: Well, look, if they have decided to really stay like brothers and sisters, no problem,. And if it goes a little bit more than that, just out you go ! You know ? And though, like, Ashram is the main support and major support, but if they cannot follow the rules of an Ashram, then they just might end up into something like trouble.

Q: What about, Maharaj Ji, if two premies experiencing a relationship, say in Denver, want to live in the same house, or would like to live in the same Ashram ?

Ans: Well, just very strongly it has to be made clear to them that look, no problem if they stay like brother and sister. You know, otherwise it would have been, it wouldn't even be mentioned in the Ashram Manual. I read that book and it's a thousand times better than the old one. So that is why it's been mentioned there, because I want it that way, you know ? and then if they cannot follow it, sorry Charlie, and, it should be very clearly explained to them.

Q: Guru Maharaj Ji ? I just wanted to ask one more thing about relationships. Because I spend a lot of my time talking with people on the telephone and in my office about this. And there is one thing that like, if there are two Ashram premies and they are really feeling like they want to be married, I just would like to be clear on the alternatives of two premies, being married. Like, sometimes they want to ask your personal permission to be married, and move into the Ashram as married couples to be able to remain in the Ashram, or this is the only alternative that they move out of the Ashram and discontinue their service at this time if they want to be married ?

Ans: If they do that, then what is their sacrifice ? One question, what happened to the sacrifice ? You know ? Is this why we move into the Ashram - to get married ? What is it ? A marriage counsellor office or something, where you go and you don't even have to date girls ? You just go and just pick your choice ! it's not that way. You see.

It's something that, we are there to do what has to be done. We are there because we need shelter. We are there because we need to be there. We are there because we need to understand this Knowledge more. And when we are there for those reasons, we don't go around looking to get married. But there is really no alternative. And if they do get married, and want to apply, they will have to come back to me, for which my answer, 99%, is going to be "No, No !" Because we want avoid that possibility right now.

Because certainly, there is going to be a time when, well, not all the premies, but a few premies, who are like that, I mean, I understand there are premies who are really, you know, dedicated and they wouldn't like to do that. They would just like to really dedicate their whole lives in doing Service. Well of course, there will be a little flow. I understand that will happen, you know, expecting it over the next four, five, six years - A lot of people will move out, and like, new type of generation of premies will come in.

But, you know, the thing is, also there is a reason. I mean, this is something that, you know, I must tell you. And the reason is, premies think that they love each other; they think that they need each other, they think that they should get married. Okay, and then in that just in that thinking, it will become so realistic for them. They go ahead. They get married, and then they start having problems......

I mean, Ashram is an Ashram. And like, they just have problems. So it's like, they think they need each other. But they sincerely don't. So we also want to avoid that possibility. And have just all the things combined, it has to be very very strict.

Now it is, according, well, according to the renunciate's code of the Mission, it is the responsibility of the General Secretary to make sure all the Ashram laws are obeyed. And if they're not, then that is one thing that should come up to you at that time what is happening, and you should sincerely question the General Secretary. And you should tell him that, "look, you are failing your duty. What is this ?"

Q: Maharaj Ji, there's a couple of instances that have come to me about couples that want to split up, and they feel that if they split up, it will be good for their spiritual growth. How about this ? Couples that, they don't have babies and they want to split up after they got married. Should they split up, or should they stay together ?

Ans: Tell them not to split up. That doesn't make any sense. Tell them they can move into an Ashram, live as a brother and sister, and really develop themselves.

Plus, we are trying to develop all these other programmes. But we have - the problems are faster than our solutions come. Always end up with a problem. But, tell them that there is no point in splitting up, you know. I mean, that means that one promise that you made to that girl, you cannot fulfil that promise if you are going to split up.

But they can move into an Ashram as brother and sister, live in the Ashram, and develop themselves, you know. And we have to keep an eye on couples like that.

Q: I think what's come up, Maharaj Ji, is a lot of people who truly want to serve you; there was only one place that they could, and that was the Ashram. So they live in the Ashram… And now, they, they are maturer, they're older. They would like to have a family and still serve you. But they can't.

Ans: Trouble is, problems are just faster than a solution there, you know. I mean, thing is, this is what we are trying to develop, you know. We are trying to develop all these things. But they take time. And Plus, you see it's so tricky, I mean - so, so, so tricky that if you give that inch, because certain people, you think they should deserve it, people start taking a mile out of it. And before you know, there is not going to be an Ashram. It's like, It's a very tricky situation. Support systems and actions will have to be taken. (January 22, 1975)

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