you please give us Satsang on married life ?
Ans: Well, I think if you have any 'butterflies'
(confusions) in your minds or hearts, you better pop them
Q: Guru Maharaj Ji, do you have any advice for people who
are getting married and now they should live in the
Ans: There are two things: premies that have not moved
into an Ashram and don't have any intention to move into
an Ashram, and want to get married, they live a life;
they do some business where they work; and they have a
job, work outside. They do Meditation. For them the
advice is, just go ahead and get married, do Meditation,
and live happily.
But the Premies who are working in Ashram, who are like,
living in Ashram; for them the thing is that: look - you
have to understand. You have to make the right decision.
Because the service, the opportunity of service you are
getting now, you will not get it later - and it's like,
if you leave it now, then it's like: You are progressing,
you are completely progressing, and then you drop down.
Because then you are looking for something else which is
completely external. And then one day it's going to be
died out, and then like again you would like to come back
and be in the Ashram and do Service! You understand?
Because it's like - it just is much better, you know, for
a man to be completely in the whole circumstance, where
he can get Satsang all the time and be able to do Service
all the time.
And this is the only thing, that: if you want to get
married, then take the proper decision. Make sure that
you are going to stick to it. Because what I hate is,
people get married, go out; ten days; then get divorced,
and want to come back and live in the Ashram. I hate
that. Because that's good for nothing, and that is a
silly thing. You know ? So it means they're just like,
acting like a two year old baby ! And it's like, it just
proves it that they are not even doing Meditation.
Because up here (Head) they have got 'Bees' instead of
'Butterflies'. Like a Bumblebee shooting to one point -
one point to another point. And then they just want to
get married, and so that's it and then they want to come
back, and -
"But what made you come back ?" "Because we didn't get
satisfied". Which means, 'Why did you get married ? If
you get married, stay married.' So take the proper
decision before you move into some kind of thing like
that. You are making a mess of yourself.
Q: Is it possible for premies to be - if the two premies
involved are holy company for one another - truly holy
company, is it a
Ans: Then they don't have to be necessarily married. If
they are looking for holy company, then holy company can
be just living in the Ashram - not necessarily being
Q: Maharaj Ji, many premies in the Ashram have been
experiencing, within the past few months especially, that
they've been getting involved in relationships with, you
know, within the Ashram and there's been a lot of
discussion about it. And I heard you were going to give a
statement to the Ashram premies about this.
Ans: It's like, Okay, the excuses that we get - I don't
know if it's an excuse - is, "Well, we love this
sister.", or the sister says, "We love this brother."
Okay. And let's keep it that way - brother and
I mean, why does it have to become in any way physical ?
Why can't it just stay that way ? Don't brothers and
sisters love each other ? They do love each other. They
love. They really, really love each other. And, so, it
should be maintained that way. Why should it go down to
the physical parts of it ? That relationship is like
really when a brother walks into an Ashram and he sees a
girl there, that's his sister. And that's what it says in
the manual. Right ? That here it is brothers and sisters.
And you like, start just looking at her as, "that's my
fiancee", and stuff, that means he is right there, he is
breakin' a law.
When you get out of the Ashram, you know, you can do
whatever you want to do
....But in Ashram, you're in
Ashram, and in Ashram, what the manual law states, it's
got to be there. It's really maintained that way.
And this is the Statement, you know. Like, my feeling is
sure, you know, Ashram should be full of love ! But of
brother and sisterly love. You can give love to anybody.
Doesn't have to be a wife. I mean, otherwise that would
mean that, you know, a person just loves another
particular person and he doesn't love the other brothers
and sisters. That's not true. You know ? And so, that
should be maintained that way, not as, "Well, because I
love you I'm going to marry you." And it should be
completely, strictly maintained as brother and
Q: How about a little extra time with a brother and
sister, as a brother and sister ? I mean, that's the next
question that'll come up. People spending a little more
time with one person, you know, than with all the others
in the Ashram.........
Ans: Well, look, if they have decided to really stay like
brothers and sisters, no problem,. And if it goes a
little bit more than that, just out you go ! You know ?
And though, like, Ashram is the main support and major
support, but if they cannot follow the rules of an
Ashram, then they just might end up into something like
Q: What about, Maharaj Ji, if two premies experiencing a
relationship, say in Denver, want to live in the same
house, or would like to live in the same Ashram ?
Ans: Well, just very strongly it has to be made clear to
them that look, no problem if they stay like brother and
sister. You know, otherwise it would have been, it
wouldn't even be mentioned in the Ashram Manual. I read
that book and it's a thousand times better than the old
one. So that is why it's been mentioned there, because I
want it that way, you know ? and then if they cannot
follow it, sorry Charlie, and, it should be very clearly
explained to them.
Q: Guru Maharaj Ji ? I just wanted to ask one more thing
about relationships. Because I spend a lot of my time
talking with people on the telephone and in my office
about this. And there is one thing that like, if there
are two Ashram premies and they are really feeling like
they want to be married, I just would like to be clear on
the alternatives of two premies, being married. Like,
sometimes they want to ask your personal permission to be
married, and move into the Ashram as married couples to
be able to remain in the Ashram, or this is the only
alternative that they move out of the Ashram and
discontinue their service at this time if they want to be
Ans: If they do that, then what is their sacrifice ? One
question, what happened to the sacrifice ? You know ? Is
this why we move into the Ashram - to get married ? What
is it ? A marriage counsellor office or something, where
you go and you don't even have to date girls ? You just
go and just pick your choice ! it's not that way. You
It's something that, we are there to do what has to be
done. We are there because we need shelter. We are there
because we need to be there. We are there because we need
to understand this Knowledge more. And when we are there
for those reasons, we don't go around looking to get
married. But there is really no alternative. And if they
do get married, and want to apply, they will have to come
back to me, for which my answer, 99%, is going to be "No,
No !" Because we want avoid that possibility right
Because certainly, there is going to be a time when,
well, not all the premies, but a few premies, who are
like that, I mean, I understand there are premies who are
really, you know, dedicated and they wouldn't like to do
that. They would just like to really dedicate their whole
lives in doing Service. Well of course, there will be a
little flow. I understand that will happen, you know,
expecting it over the next four, five, six years - A lot
of people will move out, and like, new type of generation
of premies will come in.
But, you know, the thing is, also there is a reason. I
mean, this is something that, you know, I must tell you.
And the reason is, premies think that they love each
other; they think that they need each other, they think
that they should get married. Okay, and then in that just
in that thinking, it will become so realistic for them.
They go ahead. They get married, and then they start
I mean, Ashram is an Ashram. And like, they just have
problems. So it's like, they think they need each other.
But they sincerely don't. So we also want to avoid that
possibility. And have just all the things combined, it
has to be very very strict.
Now it is, according, well, according to the renunciate's
code of the Mission, it is the responsibility of the
General Secretary to make sure all the Ashram laws are
obeyed. And if they're not, then that is one thing that
should come up to you at that time what is happening, and
you should sincerely question the General Secretary. And
you should tell him that, "look, you are failing your
duty. What is this ?"
Q: Maharaj Ji, there's a couple of instances that have
come to me about couples that want to split up, and they
feel that if they split up, it will be good for their
spiritual growth. How about this ? Couples that, they
don't have babies and they want to split up after they
got married. Should they split up, or should they stay
Ans: Tell them not to split up. That doesn't make any
sense. Tell them they can move into an Ashram, live as a
brother and sister, and really develop themselves.
Plus, we are trying to develop all these other
programmes. But we have - the problems are faster than
our solutions come. Always end up with a problem. But,
tell them that there is no point in splitting up, you
know. I mean, that means that one promise that you made
to that girl, you cannot fulfil that promise if you are
going to split up.
But they can move into an Ashram as brother and sister,
live in the Ashram, and develop themselves, you know. And
we have to keep an eye on couples like that.
Q: I think what's come up, Maharaj Ji, is a lot of people
who truly want to serve you; there was only one place
that they could, and that was the Ashram. So they live in
And now, they, they are maturer, they're
older. They would like to have a family and still serve
you. But they can't.
Ans: Trouble is, problems are just faster than a solution
there, you know. I mean, thing is, this is what we are
trying to develop, you know. We are trying to develop all
these things. But they take time. And Plus, you see it's
so tricky, I mean - so, so, so tricky that if you give
that inch, because certain people, you think they should
deserve it, people start taking a mile out of it. And
before you know, there is not going to be an Ashram. It's
like, It's a very tricky situation. Support systems and
actions will have to be taken. (January 22,