Soul
Rush (Excerpts) by S.
Collier. Published in
1978 Previous Chapter The way I planned to approach my position as
propagandist was to examine whatever I saw as negative
in the organization by severely confronting whoever
was perpetrating the problem. I would weigh what I
learned against my sense of DLM's overall worth. Since
I had a high opinion of DLM's potential, I assumed it
would take something pretty atrocious to make me
arrive at a negative net worth by this analysis. Then,
if the item was newsworthy, I planned to present the
facts accompanied by the context I saw, and the reader
could make up his own mind, in the light of his own
opinion of DLM's overall worth. I believed DLM's
strength would be drawn from informed and committed
members who each were certain in their reasons for
alliance. By following this plan, I believed I would never
have to compromise myself. In a situation where I
looked at the assets and liabilities of the
organization and saw a negative net worth, I thought,
knowing me, I wouldn't hang around too long. First
chance I got, I'd be down at the airlines office,
making reservations to go home. Pad and pencil in hand, I set out to do my first
article: a study of the way the Houston festival
staffers lived when they were off the job. I thought
this would be interesting, as it would include short
portraits of a few of the staff members with more
varied backgrounds-Peter and his travels through Asia,
for instance. In the course of preparing the article I spoke with
one of the festival organizers and mentioned the
disorganized manner in which medical care was handled.
He seemed genuinely surprised that I saw a
problem. "Well, it may not be so together now. You know we
are sort of low on cash, but after Millennium we won't
have to worry about anything." "Oh, really, why not?" I said, expecting to hear
that DLM was getting a national health insurance
policy. Or starting a clinic with premie doctors while
financing interested ashram residents through medical
school. He looked at me with sympathy, as if I were
hopelessly uninformed. "Because," he said, "after the
festival is the New Age." "Come on," I replied. "When we decided to call the
festival 'Millennium' I thought it was because our
vision of one peaceful world based on spiritual values
was evoked by the word, 'Millennium'-not because the
hoped-for Millennium will begin on November eighth,
the day we take over the Dome. You heard Bob say
that," I concluded, referring to a recent meeting we
had both attended with Bob Mishler, the DLM
president. "That's not what Bal Bhagwan Ji says," the fellow
continued; but, seeing my skepticism, he demurred,
"Who knows what will happen?" He shrugged and
smiled. The New Age. It signifies a complete transformation
of the world as we know it, into another perfect world
where all manner of evil and suffering have passed
away. People from every sort of background believe the
New Age will come, but their ideas vary greatly on the
"how" behind its arrival. Some-the "have you read Revelations?" crowd-believe
a horrible binge of physical destruction will
obliterate the present world with all of its sinning
inhabitants and quickly replace it with a perfect one.
Perhaps, they speculate, God will come out of the
clouds on a golden chariot and orchestrate the
end. Others-like Anne Frank, the sweet little girl who
wrote in her diary after seeing some of her family
shot to death by Nazis, "I still believe that people
are basically good at heart"-believe it will just
happen. People's higher nature will get the best of
them. Then, there are those people who believe that the
New Age is inevitable, but it is going to take time
and bucks, blood and sweat. (Count me in here, though
there's a little of the second group in me, too.) Even within these three groups, people's timetables
vary. There is little agreement just when the awaited
hour will dawn. Dr. Laurence Peter-in the Anne Frank
group-feels it will be in the next twenty years or so.
He discusses how, when, and where at length in his
book, The Peter Plan. Cesar Chavez-in the time and bucks group-has a
simpler analysis and expectation. "You want to know
what I really think?" he says. "I really think one day
the world will be great." But the most interesting timetable for the arrival
of the New Age is envisioned by the Jehovah's
Witnesses. The New Age, they say, is already here. It
came sometime in the early part of the century, when
Christ quietly returned to earth. Whatever is the case about the New Age, it seemed
to have little relevance to my Divine Times article.
Using another person's comment on premie health care,
I finished my article and sent it to Denver, where the
newspaper's editorial offices were located. But this
was not the last time I heard of an unfounded thing
that "Bal Bhagwan Ji said." "New York is going to have earthquakes in October!"
someone was yelling outside my door. "Bal Bhagwan Ji
says the fault runs right down Fourteenth Street!" Well, that's one way to get rid of the old S. Klein
building, I thought, remembering a particular eyesore
in the Fourteenth Street area. From what I could
determine from the conversation in the hall, the
belief of Bal Bhagwan Ji-or BB, as I shall
affectionately call him-in New York's rumbling demise
was not founded on any studies of the terrain in that
area. Even though some mahatmas considered BB to be
the embodiment of intellect and wisdom, in making this
prediction he had no seismographs at his disposal. No
experts had advised him. It was something that just
occurred to him one day. It was "revealed truth," like
the Bible's Book of Revelations. Because Bal Bhagwan Ji was not in Houston at the
time, we got wind of his idea through other premies.
Most of the people only repeated BB's ideas out of
surprise and astonishment, but some premies actually
believed what BB was saying. Peter and I and some of our other friends started
calling these people who picked up on BB's ideas
Victims of the Millennium Fever. Implicit in this
description was our conviction that eventually their
symptoms would go away: a fever eventually breaks and
the victims return to their former healthy selves.
Fortunately, even at the peak of contagion, the fever
was limited to a minority of premies, mostly in
Houston. In reflecting on the Millennium Fever from the
vantage of four years, there is one thing which
particularly strikes me. I find it curious that it is
so easy for people to feel identified with a spiritual
organization even when they have considerable
differences of opinion with the leadership. As I live
and see more of the world, I realize this is common to
all spiritual organizations. For instance, Catholicism. People call themselves
Catholics for many reasons. The Pope, who is
acknowledged as the head of the Roman Catholic
religion, has spoken out strongly against birth
control and even more harshly against abortion. But
this does not mean that all Catholics feel this way.
The other day I heard that a doctor in charge of a
large abortion clinic in Florida said 40 percent of
the women who come into his clinic for abortions are
practicing Catholics. This is a very interesting
figure, when you consider that only 20 percent of the
Florida population in that area is Catholic. From what I understand of the Catholic spiritual
organization, papal authority is one of the most basic
tenets. Yet these people are willing to go against
what the Pope has specifically said and still consider
themselves part of the Catholic community. Catholics who have had abortions are tied to the
faith by something deeper and more important to them
than any rules, dogma, or creed. (I will not speculate
on just what it is that creates this strong bond.
Suffice to say that it exists and exerts strong power
in a person's life.) In the same way, acknowledgment of the common bond
which attracted each of us to DLM made it easy for
premies with differences of opinion to coexist. When I
sat in early morning group meditation, I was moved to
respect the other premies, even those with Millennium
Fever, because I felt our common urge toward higher
awareness and a new world. I remember one particular morning when I was
getting ready to meditate with a group of about forty
others. Since we wanted to get a good jump on the day,
we generally started meditating at about 5:00 A.M. At
this time it was still dark outside; gradually, during
the hour we sat together in meditation, the sky grew
light. On this morning we were sitting in a circle and I
could see the face of nearly every person there. After
about half an hour I opened my eyes. I felt very
peaceful and I looked around at the meditators. Some of the people I could see were stretching and
straining to concentrate; their brows were slightly
furrowed like those of students studying weighty
texts. Others were calm; they had almost baby-like
faces, the faces of angels, I thought. A carpenter I
didn't like very much had a small smile. His rough
hands rested in his lap. Several people were nodding,
falling asleep for an instant but firmly waking
themselves up again and again. Looking at these sleepy
ones, I recognized our housemother. I knew she had
been up late the previous night making lunches. I felt
a little rush of inspiration as I saw her effort. Sitting there that morning I experienced the bond
the people in DLM shared. It was our common hope, our
common effort to meet and merge with that vast
interior world and then, in whatever way, to bring
that profound inner grace to life in the outer world
of action. I felt like a person on a frontier, bonded to my
fellow travelers by our common desire to get to the
other side. With this feeling of community established
inside me, it was hard to judge, but easy to forgive,
what I saw as temporary troubles and aberrations in my
friends' spirits. But I hardly knew Bal Bhagwan Ji. He was not a
friend whose deep intentions I trusted and understood.
If the premies I knew who repeated his odd ideas were
victims of Millennium Fever, BB was the Fever's
carrier. By the time BB arrived in Houston I had pieced
together his whole prophetic scheme. All of BB's ideas
had one central focus: the festival we were planning
for November would be "the most holy and significant
event in human history." It would not be a private
great event-an Astrodome official told me that every
religious group which has a gathering there secretly
believes the dome was built for them-everyone would
know. Between the present time and the time of the
festival, according to BB's predictions, there would
be a series of major disasters, natural and political.
To augment this there would also be a series of
extraterrestrial phenomena. (Remember Kohoutek comet
and the frequent UFO sightings of the summer of '73?)
All of these things would lead people to seek the
return of the messiah. Since BB was a scripture freak,
he had dug up these qualifications for The Coming
One. From the prophet Isaiah, for instance: The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the
leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and
the young lion and the fatling together; and a little
child shall lead them. They shall not hurt nor destroy
in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full
of the Knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the
sea. Or this one, from a Tibetan source: The sun and the moon dance and blow the trumpets,
and a little child shall turn the Wheel of the Law.
Secret of the body, of the Word and Heart of God, His
innermost breath is the steed of the Bodhisattvas. When considering a "little child" for the role,
BB's mind naturally went to the one little child he
knew best-his own kid brother, Guru Maharaj Ji aka The
Lord. The Millennium festival was the event at which
the world would find out what BB already knew. I was anxious to speak to BB and see if I really
could be a propagandist with honor. It soon became
clear, however, that an interview with BB was hard to
come by. He was a very busy man. Or so everyone said.
From the first he had taken a great interest in the
festival, and sometime in the early summer Maharaj Ji
had put him "in charge" of the festival effort.
Despite the title though, it was commonly understood
that Rennie Davis, going under the more humble billing
of "General Coordinator," was the person to listen to
on any nuts and bolts issues involving the event. Finally, after trying to see BB for several weeks,
I gave up and started working on other things. Then,
suddenly, BB wanted to see me; not because he wished
to make known why he believed as he did, but instead
because he had discovered my background in food
service. I arrived at the scheduled hour, but was told to
wait outside: BB was not yet ready to see me. After a
half-hour the door to BB's room opened a crack and a
hand motioned me to enter. (Maharaj Ji and all the
members of his family posted sentries at their doors
to regulate the stream of devotees who came to seek
their advice, counsel, or blessings.) Entering the
room I saw several of the festival brass sitting on
the floor. BB, himself, was seated comfortably on a
chair with his feet resting on a cushion. He wore
white traditional Indian garments-a dhoti and kirta.
His chair was white, the cushion was white, and the
rug was white. It was a rather dramatic effect, the
highlight of which were BB's deep black eyes and black
moustache. Rennie Davis suddenly entered the room. "Hey,
Rennie!" I greeted my friend, in what I later was
informed was a serious breach of protocol. Rennie
undoubtedly heard me, but did not respond. Instead he
went straight to BB and bowed deeply as Christians
sometimes do before the cross. After acknowledging
Rennie with a loving smile, BB then looked at me. I had no feeling of reverence or humility in front
of this young Indian, so I kind of cocked my head and
said hello without bowing. After an awkward pause, I
was introduced. BB studied me for a moment and then,
speaking quickly, asked, "How many have you cooked
for?" "Well, two twenty-five," I estimated. "How many work in the kitchen?" "Sometimes just me," I answered, "but if you set it
up right you'd have four. Two main cooks. A
dishwasher. And a pot washer who'd double as a veggie
chopper ..." I continued detailing my idea of a good
cooking setup. In the middle of my presentation he nodded as if I
had said enough. "In our kitchen," he said, "two
hundred and twenty-five will work. Thousands and
thousands will be fed." "Oh, really?" I raised my eyebrows. "Where will
this be?" "Here in this city, in Houston. Many will be
coming, you know." He spoke with authority. The people
seated on the floor noted all of this down in small
notebooks. After a few more questions, BB appeared to lose
interest in me and began to expound a theory he had
developed about Kohoutek comet and UFOs. "The stock
market will fall in October." (I wondered if this
would correspond with the predicted earthquake.) "And
at least 400,000 people will be at our November
Millennium." All of this was respectfully noted. Hoping nobody would notice, I quietly left the
room. Walking home, I found I had a bad headache. The
thing that bothered me the most was not BB's ideas,
but the respect with which Rennie and the others
listened to him. I knew that even though BB claimed
400,000 (or 200,000, depending on the day) would come
to the festival and Rennie carefully noted this down
as if he believed BB, Rennie would then quietly
reserve hotel rooms for only 22,000. "From my tours to promote the festival and my
previous experience organizing this sort of event, I
know 22,000 is all we can count on. It's a reasonable
figure," I had heard Rennie remark a few days before.
"If others come," Rennie continued almost whimsically,
"it will be the grace of God, so then the grace of God
can house them, too." Why was Rennie leading BB on in this way? The whole
situation started to smell like power politics. BB's
lack of proportion was evident, but as brother of the
guru, he couldn't be put out to pasture in the same
way as a less nobly born leader. Historically, the
less gifted relatives of the monarch are a common
problem for royalty. It must have been clear to Maharaj Ji when he
arrived in the United States in late June 1973 that BB
was treading on thin ice. Why did he leave BB in
charge of the Astrodome festival? In order to make
sense of this, I had to consider Maharaj Ji's position
on a global basis. He was "the Guru" for a constituency that numbered
over one million. Many members of this group lived in
India and shared, at least to some extent, the
mahatmas' idea of the Hans family as five forms of a
single divinity. Even though Maharaj Ji recognized
this penta-god idea as rubbish, it was something he
inherited with the mission. When at the age of eight
he accepted the post, he took with it the whole
shebang. So even though Maharaj Ji had been gradually
working away at the accumulated religious concepts of
the followers he inherited with the mission, he didn't
want to do anything too radical which would send his
Indian devotees packing down the street to the local
swami. Even if Maharaj Ji wanted to stage a little
cultural revolution in the mission, he knew he
couldn't do it just yet. His mother had worked long
and hard at achieving a strong power base in India.
The followers of her late husband, Hans, had naturally
looked to her for wisdom during the period when
Maharaj Ji was a small boy-guru. She would crush any
challenge to her power. The first time I saw Mata was at an airport
reception in Houston. I did not like her at all. About
a hundred or so people bringing garlands and flowers
had come to meet her. As she came down the airport
hall, I saw that she was quite fat. Her skin and hair
had a greasy shine. Bundled up in a silk sari, she
hurried past the people who had come to greet her.
When she turned to look at someone, I saw the
distinctive flash of a diamond in her nose. People thrust the flowers toward her and she took
them up with her pudgy hands, often breaking and
crushing them in the process. In a moment she was
gone. I was disappointed because I had hoped to like
her, at least a little. During her years of spiritual dominance, Mata had
managed to advance her position in the spiritual
hierarchy. Very much like Shri Aurobindo's wife, who
took over Aurobindo's mission after his death, Mata
became DLM's patron. She traveled everywhere with
little Maharaj Ji, speaking before he did, telling
stories she had heard from Hans. In my opinion, Mata was a traditional Hindu. To
her, DLM was a family business. A shrewd
businessperson, Mata set out to solidify her power
base, until eventually, as Bob Mishler told me, "She
had India wrapped up like a spiritual Mafia." What Mata did not count on was that her son,
Maharaj Ji, the main capital in her business, would
not want to go along with her scheme. It wasn't public
knowledge at this point that the members of the family
did not get along, but word filtered out from the
people who lived with the Hans family that they were
fighting more and more. The sides in these fights were
clear from the beginning. It was Mata, BB, and Bhole
Ji who were carrying the flag for traditional Indian
culture against Maharaj Ji and Raja Ji, who wanted to
throw out the old ways and get into the Western world
to create a new kind of spirituality. The pathetic thing about this struggle was that it
did not come into the open until much later. It was
the kind of cruel and private fight that only families
can have. Publicly, the five stood together and smiled
as if, as one journalist wrote, "God is in his
Astrodome and all is right with the world." Perhaps
Maharaj Ji hoped things would somehow resolve
themselves and he would not have to take that most
painful step of renouncing his family and splitting up
the mission his father and he had worked so hard to
build. In the light of these background forces, the
question of why Maharaj Ji left BB in charge of the
festival had a simple answer. Guru Maharaj Ji was up
against the wall. If he fired BB, those Indian
devotees who thought of the family as being five forms
of the same divinity might find this violated their
ideas, and might leave the mission altogether. If he
tried to push BB into the background- keeping BB
around but in a minor position-it would offend
Mata-BB-Bhole Ji's high sense of their own importance
and would make them retaliate. If all else failed,
Mata could fall back on the traditional way mothers
control their children. "Don't forget you are
underage, dear." If BB was the only thing Maharaj Ji had to worry
about, then, I concluded, Maharaj Ji actually would
not be facing a major problem. The kinds of
predictions BB was making were like bonds that mature
quickly. Everything he was predicting was to happen
within 90 to 120 days. He said the stock market would
fall in October. When, on November first, people were
still scurrying around on the Wall Street trading
floor, he would be discredited. He said 400,000 people
would come to Millennium; when only 22,000 showed up,
again, he'd be discredited. From a PR point of view,
BB was digging his own grave. However, because of Maharaj Ji's
stand-and-smile-with-the-family policy, I thought
Maharaj Ji might fall into BB's grave too. Rennie and
other prominent figures in DLM were very busy inviting
the press to see the festival. How could a journalist
resist reporting what the Millennium Fever victims
were saying? Sitting and considering these things in my cool
office overlooking the magnolia tree, I kept wondering
what Maharaj Ji would do. That fifteen-year-old kid
has got some pretty deft maneuvering in front of him
if he is going to pull out of this alive, I thought,
feeling glad I had friends, not followers, and parents
without vested interest in how I lived. I was not the
least bit surprised when Maharaj Ji came down with an
ulcer. That summer Maharaj Ji had been touring the United
States and Europe. From what I could see, Maharaj Ji's
style of "leadership" was to leave all of the
nitty-gritty decisions about DLM operations to the
headquarters in Denver, while dividing his own time
between giving lectures for the membership or the
public and "resting," a euphemism for his long periods
of inactivity. At his speaking engagements he rarely
spoke about the organization, but rather concentrated
on subjects with which he was more familiar, like
meditation and Knowledge. His itinerary was packed for the summer's tour. He
had public programs in several major cities, TV
appearances, and some appointments to receive awards
and keys to various cities, as well as more intimate
premie programs for the membership only. Things were
going well until he got to Detroit, where he was to
receive a civic citation. After he accepted the award,
an underground-newspaper reporter came rushing up to
Maharaj Ji and, in what the reporter described as "a
protest against God," hit Maharaj Ji in the face with
a shaving cream pie. This in itself was not a tragedy.
But what happened afterward was. Two premies sought out the pie-thrower, Pat Halley,
and creamed him with a steel pipe. This was a dreadful
and pathetic example of fanaticism at work. What makes
it worse is that I know, from a very good source, that
one of the premie assailants was a mahatma, a DLM
figure who initiated many thousands of U.S. premies in
1971-1973. Maharaj Ji did not know of this mahatma's
plans beforehand, and afterward when the incident came
to his attention Maharaj Ji stripped the mahatma of
his rank and urged him to turn himself in to the
police. However, the mahatma did not follow this
advice and quietly slipped out of the country. The
other assailant, Bob Mishler believes, was an American
and still even today lives in a DLM ashram. If this is
true I feel Maharaj Ji is at fault. He should have
pursued this matter more aggressively and made sure
the perpetrators were apprehended and tried in a court
of law. One day, as I was thinking about these things, I
went out to buy a candy bar. A man standing in line at
the cash register noticed my "Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji?"
button and asked, "Well, okay, who is he?" Before I had a chance to launch into the rap I had
developed, the man whipped out a card and handed it to
me. "Ed Krotin, Imperial Wizard, Ku Klux Klan," was
embossed on it. "Klan, huh?" I said sweetly. "Do you still bomb
Negro churches?" "Only when they need it. We don't need you in
Houston," he hissed, and left without paying for his
large cigar. Chewing on my Hershey bar, it occurred to me that
I'd just met someone like the pipe-wielding
mahatma.
The
Odyssey of a Young Woman in the 70s'
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Next Chapter
Chapter 12:
Millennium Fever.
AS A WRITER, I HAD MUCH MORE PLEASANT WORKING
CONDITIONS
than I had labored under as a laundress. Instead of a
sweaty "washateria," as they call laundromats in
Houston, I now was given a nice air-conditioned office
on a quiet street with a window overlooking a
full-blossomed magnolia tree. My standing assignment
was to write about the progress of the Millennium
festival preparations for the Divine Times. I could
write anything I wanted to, with the tacit
understanding that it would portray Guru Maharaj Ji,
DLM, and the coming festival in a favorable light.
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