|Re: Re: Is this helpful? -- fluster||Post Reply||Top of thread||Forum|
Posted by: dant ģ |
Wow, it sounds like this must be hard for you! I can only say that after I jolted, I did manage to maintain friendships with a few followers. The unspoken rule was however, ďdonít talk about M !Ē For years our relationships would gingerly avoid the topic.
Perhaps you will have to look at the situation differently. There are many couples who come from diferent religious and ethnic backgounds and they learn to respect each otherís thing if they value their relationship. My aforementioned wife is German and I am American for example. It isnít really a problem but we do sometimes have our ďsoftspotsĒ. You canít talk to your wife about M, so be glad at least you can talk here. That probably isnít all that helpful though, sorry. Perhaps there are other people who have a similar experience who might offer a suggestion.
But of course Iím not going to just leave it at that. When a premie leaves the fold, they need to talk about it. This is completely natural. The best candidates for this of course would be the people who were your friends at the time and also understood the situation -- i.e. your premie friends. So what happens? No way! Premies would (at least at the time) absolutely refuse to talk about it. Nothing nada forget it out the door go play in traffic fuck off. You could be lucky if they would talk to you at all. It was like being shunned by your Amish community. What is that? I mean imagine if you decided you didnít want to be Catholic anymore. I think you could still talk to your Catholic friends about it and also your priest if he wasnít a complete jerk.
So what were the choices? Either you talk to outsiders, who of course thought you were crazy and a fool. Or you could pay to talk to someone. Or you could try to forget the whole thing ever happened and repress it. As I couldnít afford therapy I took the only option open to me and repressed the whole thing. This wasnít sooo terrible I thought at the time, but I realize now, 20 years later, that it was pretty unhealthy. Finding the EPO website is the greatest therapy I could have, and allowed me to realize how many unresolved issues I had and most likely still have. Actually I went into a mild sort of depressive state for a few days after reading everything here. This has never happened to me in my entire life that I can remember, so it shows that something was going on. I imagine it its something like when you discover that you were sexually abused as a child.
So I have a question. I have a very strong feeling that M or his representatives told premies at the time (in the early 80s) NOT to talk to premies who left about M and K. Does anybody know if this is true?
Thanks again for the great post! I would love to say something about the dictator angle, but I think I've already overdrawn my post account this time.
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